A Funny Summer Tickle

It's the middle of a blistering, miserable summer here and instead of me lamenting endlessly about how blistering and miserable it is, I've decided to attempt to entertain your funny bone.

I have three boys, all under the age of 10. Life is rarely dull. In complete random fashion, I want to share a few comments they've made recently. Tidbits that either made me laugh out loud or made me stop and stare open-mouthed. Hope you enjoy!

After taking a bite of an Arby's roast beef sandwich, my Youngest son states, "Yummy. Tastes like chicken!" 

Conversation between Middle son and DH: 

Middle son, "when did that (an event we went to) happen Daddy?"

DH, "Long before you were born. Your Mom and I weren't even married, and you were but a twinkle in my eye."

Pause a beat.

Middle son, "That means I was in your nuts." 

DH and I have yet to figure out how he "knew" and what exactly he does "know" about this one.

Middle son to youngest son, "You know there are spiders that are this big!" he spans his hands to about dinner plate size.

Youngest, "Really? Where?" with real fright in his voice.

Middle, "Yes. But don't worry, they're not around here."

Oldest, interjecting, "Spiders used to be as big as a car."

Youngest, "Really? Where?"

Oldest, "Yes. But not now. Long ago about the time of dinosaurs. The air pressure was different. If people had been around, they probably would have been as tall as telephone poles."

Me, honestly surprised, "Really?" He then proceeds to explain his stance on this theory. 

Middle son recently lost his new fishing pole. His explanation:

"I was watching Dad take a fish off the hook and Dad told me to check the other poles. I turned around just in time to see my new fishing pole slide up [the poles were resting against a pier railing], over, and 'bloop,' it went into the pond and out of sight."

Note: No, we never recovered the fishing pole. My son is enjoying the image of a catfish tugging a shiny red pole around the bottom of the pond somewhere. DH says the best part was that Middle son didn't cry out or yell or anything. DH had turned around, looked, asked Middle son where the pole was and son quietly answered, "umm, it's in the pond."

We stopped at McDonalds the other day, and I went to the table just in time to break up a near fight between Middle son and Youngest son. Youngest son wanted to sit next to me and Middle son wanted to sit across from me. Fine. No fights over seating for once. No, the fight was over who was my "date." According to Middle son, boyfriends sit across from girlfriends at a restaurant. Youngest son says boyfriends sit next to girlfriends. Oldest son simply asked if he could sit by himself.

I posted a cool picture of a metal-winged chick a few days ago. When I was in the process of posting, Middle son and Youngest son happen to come find me. I debated about minimizing the screen, but decided to leave the picture up while I found out what they wanted. I figured, don't make a big deal. The picture was small on screen and there were several open windows anyway. They probably won't notice, right? Wrong. Their eyes almost immediately found the picture (go figure), then they burst out laughing. Looking at the screen, I ask what's up. Simultaneously they answered in giggles, "we can see her butt!" 

Youngest son has developed a bad phobia about rain. In an effort to ease his mind, Middle son explains that rain is just Mary washing clothes in heaven. Youngest son states, "Yuck. Then it's dirty rain!" 

Finally, my Oldest son is working on reading between the lines of my decisions. Heaven help me! Asking if he could take his DSi with him to a friend's house I answer, "I'd rather you wouldn't." Pausing a moment to take in my words, Oldest son replies, "Okay. You said you'd rather I wouldn't, but you didn't say no, so that means I can." Sighing inwardly, I had to burst his bubble and simply tell him 'no.'