Sunday, March 28, 2010

How bad do ya want it?

Whenever you have a desire for something - a book, a meal, a man - somewhere in the back of your mind your subconscious is deciding how bad you want this particular desire. Is it enough to be happy with the thought of having this out of reach dream, or is the itch to posses stronger? That's when you have to decide, consciously, what you need to do to acquire your wants.

My desire, as it has been for several years, is to be a published author. I write, I submit, I get my rejections. I write some more, I submit some more, I get more rejections. *sigh* That's the life of any person going after their dream. I am okay with this because I know that someday, I will achieve that seemingly elusive dream of publication. I know this.

It's tough, though, when life throws so many roadblocks in your way you begin to wonder if your dream is simply nothing more than mist. You can feel it on your skin, you might catch a taste of it on your tongue, but there is nothing there to grab onto. There is no cup that can contain it as proof that your dream can be real.

Between kids and animals surrounding my ankles 24/7, parents to keep an eye on, a husband to juggle and other stresses that sometimes feel like my life's being strangled right out of me, it's too easy to push my own dream to the side. "There's too much going on right now to dedicate writing time," or "I'm too exhausted to write." These and other similar comments I have used from time to time, but I cannot and will not let them beat me down. I must never let them become placating excuses.

I do count my blessings. I am lucky. I have a family that even though they take my life's blood, they encourage my dream. I have friends who pester the crap out of me to continue to write. I have an endless supply of web sites and author blogs to keep me in the loop, and I cannot tell you how encouraging it is to read about the many, many authors out there who openly tell how they wrote for 5, 10, 15 YEARS before they were published. With all these positives surrounding me, I'd be a fool to not give of myself to my craft.

So I make the time to write and edit and submit. And I'll keep on, through sickness and health, through richer or poorer, till death do I part - I promise you, I want it bad.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Little Boys will one day be Men

Yes, they will - God help them. And I will one day find out the truth of this as I have three of 'em. Three testosterone filled little beings that love crude noises, think kissing girls is funny or gross and already, before reaching the milestone age of 10, think scrapes, cuts and wounds are the coolest thing to have.

Their latest love is Indiana Jones. They play the video games, they've watched some of the movies and he's their hero right now. Hey, I'm cool with that. Indy's way cool. They've outfitted themselves with robe belts to act as whips, they pull out their "Sunday" clothes to wear the top-two-buttons undone shirts, they found some old floppy hats (but not fedora's and trust me, I am hearing how they NEED fedoras *sigh*), and just today, they talked me into pulling out some of my makeup to dot 5 o'clock shadows on their baby jaws and give them realistic looking scrapes and cuts over their arms and faces. Turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself. They're even leaving everything in place to see if their dad will think their wounds are real.

As much as I am amused - even when I groan - at their pretend play, I step back and I can see where they are looking up to a man they want to emulate. This is when I step in and make sure they also notice his dedication and loyalty and perseverance. I know there will be others they will want to be like as they continue to grow, and I feel it's my job to not only encourage this, but to make sure they see the whole man, not just the rough and tumble parts.

I create, when I write, the kind of men who are whole. Yes, a fantasy man. :) They have their bad boy sides, their playful sides and then their compassionate - and very passionate - sides. I think of my own boys sometimes when I write. How will they grow up? Will they be able and willing to open up to the right woman for them? Will they love and protect her with their whole hearts while giving her the room to be her own woman at the same time? I guess I can only pray this will be true and only time will tell.

As for now, they get the rough and tumble parts. That's okay by me, too - as long as there are no broken bones. I know I can't shape them as easily as I can shape one of my characters, but I know I'm going to do my best. I suppose that's all I can do.