Hi World.
It's been way too long since I've posted anything, so I thought I'd give everyone an update what's been going on with me. Other than the occassional snippet I feel compelled to toss out, I've been pretty much quiet. I'm not usually a quiet person. So here's what's up.
My writing is in a serious slump. I've tried to chalk it up to writers block, but it's really not that. No, I've fallen off the writing wagon and I'm struggling to climb back on - and stay on this time! The reasons are many and varied, but this past week has brought to light a major issue I'm having.
Life.
Yeah, so what? Everyone deals with life. I know, nothing special, but let me take you through a little snippet of what's happened to me this past week that's led to my eyes opening.
First, I'm the hub of my family (as I'm sure most of you are or can relate to). Everything that goes on with everyone either involves me or affects me in some way or another. Other people's stresses become my stresses. It's not because I'm choosing to take it on, but because the stress does directly involve me in some way, form or fashion.
DH had some issues with work this past week. The past two weeks, actually, and a lot of the issues involved his pay. At one point, I panicked because he was almost out of a lot of hours. Human error that wasn't his. It took several days to resolve the issue, and even though I didn't have direct involvement, I stayed in tune with the problems because his paychecks are my concern.
Next, the kids were involved in a day-long, week-long camp this past week. I home school, so this opportunity was golden for me. At least, I'd set myself up that way. The first day at home, I glued myself to the computer and wrote a lot of nonsense. Worked on about half a dozen stories and didn't complete the first one. Why? The house was quiet. My time was my own. In truth, I was anxious because I wanted to check up on the kids, just to reassure myself they were doing fine (I'm sure they were, but it's a mommy thing, you know?). DH told me I was suffering from withdrawl of sorts. I suppose he was right, so I didn't beat myself up too much about it. As the week progressed, however, this camp turned out to NOT be what I'd expected. Nothing bad happened to the kids, but I'd sent them to not only to have solo time for me, but because they were supposed to learn all kinds of skills. The instructor failed to teach them hardly anything. As the days progressed, I became increasingly stressed over this because knowing they weren't getting what they were supposed to be getting interrupted my mental work time. Add to that their crabbiness at the end of each day and the increased fighting...I did not pay for a glorified babysitter. *sorry* My apologies for ranting here, I've been needing to get it out. Anyway, I decided to cut their week short and spent the remainder of their spring break with them, going all kinds of fun stuff.
then there's the I'm-alone-and-there's-so-much-I-can-do syndrome. You know the one, where there's so much to do you can't pick and end up doing nothing. I have rooms to paint, vacations to plan, school to teach, a broken car to (have) fixed, parents to watch over, errands to run. AND write. The list, as I'm sure you well know, goes on and on. Okay, I'll admit, I supposed I've been feeling quite overwhelmed.
At one point this week, I simply stopped.
I sat down and made a list of all the feasible things I wanted to do, and that I could accomplish, this week. Like well placed puzzle pieces, my life began snapping itself in place.
Finally.
Does this mean everything is now on track? No, I don't think it ever is. But I feel more content and organized. The result - I have a story I'm working on. A beautiful love story, that will be erotic, that involves knights and princesses and dragons. I have the whole plot worked out already. Thank goodness! Now my fingers have begun to type it.
I don't like that the story's come to me last-minute, because I do have a deadline to maintain, but I'm ever grateful that my block or wall or call-it-what-you-will, has dissolved.
Thank you for allowing me to rant. It does a body good, you know, to let "it" out. Enjoy your weekend and I'll do the same.
Ayla
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